Mummy-Daddy-Nanny Bootcamp

We happily announce our new family program's birth. It grew out of 100s hours coaching, 1000s hours brainstorming with children and parents and 1 million hours of nannying.

The program is a private bootcamp for parents and nannies to start to write their own same page. It is a getting to know each other one day to three days when they can get to know one another's private and parenting style better.

As we decide to have a new nanny in the family we don't have too much time to get to know her. One maximum two interviews (max. 2 hours), checking out papers, calling references. That is all we know about the person who we'll leave our children for long hours day after day.

We feel a bit calmer when we choose the nanny through an agency. As they must be professionals so they know what to look for. But I can reassure you a nanny agency won't do any more work than you if you do it in private. They check out the CVs, call references, ask for certain papers. Plus they try to match a family who they don't know too much with a nanny who they know probably less about.

So where is this leave us? We choose to have a nanny, we find one and we leave our children with her/him after max. one day supervised probation day. So what's happening after that? We have a good professional with our children who we don't really know anything about.

As we don't know the style of each other and the expectations from both side we have the first some months with trying and (t)error.

Questions from the family's side:
- What if I chose the wrong person?
- What if my children won't like this nanny?
- What if her parenting style is worse than mine?
- What if her parenting style is better than mine?
- What if my children won't love me anymore?
- What if my children will love her better?
- What kind of extra tasks can I ask her?
+ 100 million other ones

Questions from the nanny's side:
- What kind of person leaves their children home when they go to work and pay for someone else to look after them? (job type, reason to go back, why to choose a nanny instead of other options, etc.)
- What kind of tasks do they want me to do?
- This is their house but I live here (nannies work 5 days a week) - can I do certain things on my own way?
- What is their parenting style?
- What is their punishing style?
+ 100 million other ones


There is usually no time and occasion to talk about questions like these. During the handing over period it is good if we have enough time to talk about what's happened during the day. How could we possibly get to know each other? Do we need to actually get to know each other better?

I am not sure how other people feel about this question but I felt 100% better and safer in those families where we made some effort to get to know each other. When you become friends with the nanny, family it is much better to be on the same page. If everybody is happy it is a beginning of a long lasting personal and professional friendship. Having the same nanny for year(s) is better for the children, for the family and for the nanny too.

If you are interested to form a long lasting professional and personal relationship between your family and nanny than don't hesitate to contact me.

For your family's happiness,

Adrienn Faklya-Schmitz

But why?

Have you ever felt the urge to learn some magic to stop your 4 years old asking endless questions of 'why'? Oh no I don't mean the healthy I want to know everything about the world questions. Those are nice and of course they are very answerable.


I meant the other 'but why' questions when you answer the same question over and over again. Why is the sky blue? Because that's the colour of the sky. But why? Because God made it like this. But why? ... Familiar?

I must say in the beginning I could climb on the wall from questions like this. I'd think the kids just want attention and/or want to be annoying (so they get attention - back to square one). But with many years behind my back (plus remembering how frustrating could be being a child for me) I started to think about what they really want.

After some research (listening to children) and experiment (going into different conversation) I found out the right answer (for me).

Children have two types of questions:

1. They want to find out something they don't know about.
In this case they are listening to every single word coming out of your mouth. So it is better be a nice, exciting and believable explanation you give to them.

2. They know something and they want to share the information with you.
In this case they ask a question and they expect you to answer right or if you don't know just let them teach you something.

In the second case they ask you a question: why is the sky blue?
You of course as a good parent want to let them know your answer (even when you don't really know yourself). Because that's the colour of the sky. Of course that's true but this is not the answer they want to hear. So they keep asking you to tell them the right answer (what they of course already know).

If you find that your child asks more than 3 whys about the same question you can be sure he/she knows something about it and he wants to share his knowledge. So the only right answer to the 3rd why question is: I don't know. Do you know? What do you think about it? In this case you can be sure you will hear a nice long explanation on his language.

We, grown-ups think being grown-ups means we have to know everything. We have to educate our children every time and for the best. But we tend to forget that asking questions (by us) is also education. As it teaches the children to think for themselves, to come up with their own ideas. When a child is 3-4 years old he doesn't have to be a rocket scientist. He needs to be a child. He needs to develop his creative thinking and his reasoning and coping with the world itself. So as long as his ideas are not harmful (at 4?) for anyone or himself we can just go with the flow and listen to dragons, monsters and other colourful reasoning.

It is amazing how creative and interesting children reasoning can be. It can cause some funny and/or thoughtful moments for us as well. Always listen to your child and before you get mad always assume there is some good reason behind their behaviour. If you manage to understand them you will have less hair pulling moments day after day:)

Conversation 1.:

- Child: Adrienn
- Adrienn: Yes Ryan *
- R: What are you doing?
- A: I am cooking dinner.
- R: Why?
- A: What why?
- R: Why are you cooking dinner?
- A: Because it is time to eat.
- R: But why?
- A: Ok Ryan why do you think I am cooking dinner?
- R: I don't know.
- A: Hm you don't know? Well how about I cook the dinner for me and for your sister and I don't give you some so you can find out why? Why do we usually cook food?
- R: Hmmm so because we need to eat.
- A: And why?
- R: Because we are hungry.
- A: And what do we do when we are cooking dinner and need to eat?
- R: We lay the table. Do you want me to lay the table?

Easy reverse the situation. After the second why show you are serious about the being annoying part. Don't let them ask more than two whys about the same question. Ask back, let them find the answer. This is a practical case when the question is about a practical thing like cooking dinner or doing something. The answer is obvious. You can lead them through clever questions to find their answers (if they don't have one already).

Always finish a questioning part with giving a task so they can focus on doing something. In this case to lay the table. In any other case you can find a task in connection with the conversation you just had - like draw a picture about a dog, go and collect leaves or anything in connection with the conversation.

Never send the children off with a meaningless task like just go and play with your toys. As their brain is in a working mood they need a mission to make their desire being met. If you tell them to go and play they will know you are just too busy to listen/play with them. Children have a really sensitive 6th sense. They always know when you are not listening to them. Asking questions and giving a task to them means you are listening. It only cost 5 minutes for you but it means a lot to them. And you can be sure if you send them of with a meaningless go and play they will be back in 5 minutes with another 'but why' question:P

Conversation 2.:

- Ryan: Adrienn
- Adrienn: Yes Ryan?
- R: Why is a dog saying woof?
- A: Because this is his language.
- R: But why?
- A: Because that's how they understand each other.
- R: But why?
- A: I don't know Ryan. Do you know?
 - R: Yes. They wake up in the morning and they are hungry and they swallow a dinosaur and they try to say rooooooaaaaaaaarrr but all they can say is woof woof really loud.

In this case it is obvious he had a long thought about it and after long processing he came up with his breaking news solution. Of course they always want you to know what they found out. Their way to suppress this is through questioning. Why is this? If you listen to yourself you always start a conversation with a question when you talk to a child. Like Ryan do you know why the penguins have fins? As the children learn through listening and modelling you they choose your tactics. They always start a conversation with a question. As in grown-ups talking this is not a big habit (as we tend to forget ask questions. we like to give speeches) we find the children talk somewhat unusual and annoying. We don't have time for more than two whys:P

So next time when your child comes to you with more than two whys please don't assume he wants to annoy you just for the sake of it. He either wants to learn or wants to teach you something.

Welcome to my world!

Welcome to my blog!

Thank you for coming over and share this amazing experience with me. I've been working with children (newborn to 15 yrs) and families for more than 5 years now in the UK. Before that I lived in Hungary and worked with young adults (18-30 yrs).

I have many years experience in nannying and life coaching. All of my blogposts come both from experience and academic knowledge. I have every paper someone needs to work with families and children. As I used to work as a nanny I have all the knowledge and real life experience how to become part of the family and a trusted and beloved nanny.

Please read my blog as a memory board. I write down everything here that helped me during my professional nanny life with all of my families. These memories and knowledge come from me and all of the other nannies, parents, grandparents and children I'm lucky to know. I'd like to say thank you for everyone who I met and gave me knowledge, experience, advice, love and of course kisses and cuddles. I'd like to say thank you for all of my colleagues, mentors, parents, grandparents who taught me how to become the best nanny ever. And of course last but not least I'd like to say thank you for the children I've met.

When I started my journey I was a young girl. Nannying helped me to grow up and become the woman I am now. One of the hardest but most rewarding job under the Sun. Now it is my turn to give something back to society and share my knowledge to young girls, boys, mums, dads, grandparents and nannies.

Please feel free to read and comment my blogposts. I'd like to invite you to be my little helper to write this blog. Please feel free to ask me questions or make suggestions about themes, problems you want to solve or solutions you need to know. I am more than happy to write blog posts about anything you need.

I look forward to hearing from you.

Love,

Adrienn